Under my bed

Dear Mr Spider,

It is flattering that you have chosen under my bed as your new home. However I am afraid there may be some problems with your neighbour upstairs. You see, she has a horrible fear of you and your many legs. She knows it is unreasonable and that you can't actually hurt her but she is consumed by thoughts of you crawling up the bed post with your many legs and eating her alive. I understand that you need somewhere to live and would like to offer you alternative accomodation in the garden. All you have to do is appear from under the bed and let my Dad transport you, all expenses paid to your new home. It is a much better home as it has bugs and flies that you can eat and no screaming girls.

Please write back soon. I shall be sitting on my bed terrified until you do.

Trisha